GOLDEN CHAPTER 5

I'm still here! We (me and Mom) have been very busy and it was really hard to find time to write! Something very important and exciting happened this week, and I had to take a short union break from my training because of it. My new stepsister Willow had babiez! Mom took her to the vet to have this thing called a "Sea Section" (I think it has something to do with that all natural water birth process that is all the rave lately). Oh poor Willow, when they were done, they put a zipper in her! If the little baby tries to un-zip it, will all of her stuffing fall out?

Another thing, I think I should tell Willow that someone switched the puppies for a little hamster with no eyes! Puppiez are supposed to be cute and fuzzy . . . what happened? Oh poor, poor, Willow, now she has to stay in the house in this little prison cell called a "whipping box," I think. How come she's gotta get whippins, was she naughty?

I know all this stuff cause the other day after training I sneaked in the house when Mommy opened the door. (Since that haunted house party, I just love to go in the house!) Once inside, Willow ran into the whipping box and just stared at me. I think she would have given me whippins if I got any closer. Hey, maybe that's why they call it a whipping box! Now I get it! Anyway, while I was in there, Mommy held up this little hamster thing and let me sniff him. Ick! Between you and me he's pretty homely and smells like poopies! I wagged my tail and pretended I liked him though so Willow wouldn't cry. I'm such a compassionate and caring guy that way, and did I remember to mention humble too? :)

The drug sniffin is really going great. I can find those bad drugs no matter where Mom or Uncle Steve hide 'em now. I walk down rows of boxes (both wood and cardboard) and suitcases, and all of the sudden when I get the scent, my head whips around, and I start scratching to "get 'em outta there" all on my own! Then of course I get to play with my favorite towel after each and every find!

This week I got to show my stuff to a real police dog in training. I think Mom said he's a Belgian Melonhead. Now that is a weird name for a breed. I'm sure glad they didn't call us Golden Retarders or something like that! This poor little melonhead kid has been in narcotics training for eight months now and I, the Budmeister, showed him how it was done! His police man owner couldn't believe I had only been training for a mere five weeks! He said I was awesome! Mom was sure right when she said practice makes perfect.

We even got to show little melonhead some obedience and tracking stuff. After we got done, little melonhead asked me to show him how to smile and wag his tail real fast like me. The last I saw of him, he was headed to the drugstore to buy some blonde 'Miss Clairol' and some Rogaine.

Well friends, it's getting harder and harder for me to find monsters now. But, I did find that there's still at least one really scary one left. He's big, I mean really big! And mean, really mean! And bright shiney orange with shiney metal stuff hanging like jewelry all over him. He was even wearing a hood with a shiney metal thing sticking out of the top of it. He was hiding out in Uncle Steve's parking lot the other day. I was doing obedience, and minding my own business I might add, when all of the sudden this man came over and got in the orange monster. Then he put something in the monster, and the monster came to life! He started making really loud noises, passing dirty stinky gas, smoking, and of course coughing; and I was really a scared this time, yes I was.

I stood behind Mom and peeked out, and that's when I noticed the monster's name was written on the side of him. His name is Ford Galaxy 500. He was born in 1962 I think. I also think he was on soup cause Mom said he was 'souped up.' Every time this man put his foot down in the monster, he would growl at me really loud! Then every now and then he would make a loud bang too! Well, Mommy wouldn't even sympathize with me! She made me heel right up next to him and sit-stay while the monster growled at me. Mommy!!! Then the worst. Mom made me go behind him and sit right by his hinney while he passed gas at me! Yuck! You wait until the next time Mommy gets under her covers, I'll fix her good! I think I'll starting eating beans right now! Hey, ya know what, that Ford kid ended up being pretty friendly after all. He never beat me up or nuthin, and come to find out, he's full of really soft doggie beds too! I think I like him just fine now.

Did I tell you guys that I almost packed my bags and ran away forever this week? Yup, I almost did, honest. I had my little bandanna all packed and tied to my stick and was ready to carry it down the road! Ya wanna know why? Mary and Uncle Steve went to a real search with two other dogs, and didn't even take me! They told me it was because it was an explosives search and not for narcotics dogs. Likely excuse. I cried my cute little eyes out. They said they had to go and do a sweep of a hotel and parking ramp in a big city near us for some big executive meeting scheduled there. Little do they know I can sweep just as well as the next dog. After all, I did make friends with the killer broom and he and I are now buddies. Uncle Steve promised that I will get to go on a real search soon though.

Tracking is really getting cool now. I get to go longer distances and eat Cheetos with Steve at the end. Yesterday, we did a pretty long track. When we got close, Mary let my lead go so I could run in and find Steve. When she got there, Steve and I were laying on the ground snuggling together, me just laying on my back wagging my tail while Steve fed me Cheetos. Ah yes, life is good and Steve is my bestest friend!

Tonight I get to go and do my first public "demo" appearance. It's for the Golden Retriever Club of Western New York's monthly meeting. (Since I am supposed to be an undercover narcotics dog, Mom got me some sunglasses to wear so nobody will recognize me.)

I'm gonna do a narcotics and obedience demo and if there's enough time, maybe I can even run a track for them. I'm really excited and I've been studying real hard. I hope I do good and they don't laugh at me!

This weekend Mom is going to enter us in a conformation and obedience match. I get to show off how much I taught Mom about obedience and enter her in a beauty contest too. I hope she doesn't mess it up too bad! Wish me luck and I'll let you know how it went in my next chapter.

Well, I think I better go cram for tonight! Anyone got any ideas where a hairy little fella like me can hide his crib notes? Stay Golden!

Love and Sloppy kisses, Yer little buddy . . . Buddy
(Send comments or questions to Mary MacQueen)

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