Fast Buddies: Falstaff the fish and Golden Chino

Have fun visiting our many Canine Comedians. They are surely the Jerry Seinfeld's of the canine world. up

   Alex 1
   Alex 2
   Beau & Meghan
   Kona & Willow
   Midas & Lady

TaleTell: Your own Stories of  Golden Canine Comedians
Do you have a Golden Retriever comedian tale that you would like to share? Just send it here.


By Jana Mauney
I hear it! I hear the car! HER car! And she's coming this way!

Oh, oh, I must run in and grab a gift! I must greet her with a gift!

Oh, ’BONK’ missed the step. No matter, I must hurry. Move over, doggy door! She's coming, she's coming!

Gift, gift, where, what, oh, oh, oh, ah! A plastic bottle she drinks from, right here on top of the container they call trash! Oh, perfect.

She's coming, she's coming! Oh, oh, oh...

The door! I hear the door sound that sounds right before she comes in!


Oh, oh, ’wiggle, wiggle, wiggle’ I cannot be still! You're home! And look, look, I have this nice bottle! Oh, oh, you're home! YOU'RE HOME!

I have missed you so much, you've been gone hours, weeks, days, years! And so much has happened! A dog ran by and I chewed a tree and Pluto slept under the house and it rained a little!

Oh, oh, oh! You're home, you're home!

And you're touching me! I can't stand it, it's so marvelous! Oh, and you're speaking! “Murble, murble, good boy, murble, murble.”

YES! Your happy voice. Oh, I'm about to burst! I'm so happy, happy, happy! Yes! I want to jump! I'm not supposed to jump, but oh, oh, just a little jump!


Darn. Oh, I cannot be still.

I'll roll over and wiggle on my back! Oh, yes! She's rubbing me–my tummy, my head, my sides! Oh, oh,oh.

Now what? Now where's she going? Oh, oh, yes! Back to the room where we sleep at night! Great! It has the big pad we sleep on and ’L–E–A–P‘ I can get up here close to her.

And here she comes!

Oh, oh, oh! I can stand on my legs and put my paws around her neck and–uh oh. Can't lick with this bottle in my mouth. But it’s my present to her! Oh, oh, what to do? And she's rubbing me! But I want to lick her, oh, oh, I think I'm about to burst!


Oh, darn. Drop the bottle. Oh, YES! She’s coming back!
She took off the pieces she puts on her eyes, and I can stand and 'lick, lick' I love you, I love you, I love you, I love ’lick, lick, lick’ you taste so good, salty, sweet, I love that stuff you smear on your face every day, I love to lick it off, oh, oh, and you're rubbing me again!

My back, my head, my ears, oh, oh ’lick, lick, lick’. ”Murble, murble, Mickee, good boy, murble, murble.”



I will lay here and watch her. Watch her peel her fur–it’s–not. It is very warm. I don’t know because I don’t think. How does she do that?

And I will get that look on my face that always makes her come and rub me. The look where I roll my eyes up, and keep my head flat here and she will come...and she's putting on her play skin! YES! We will play–sometime. My tail cannot be still. I am SO happy, happy, happy.

Now she’s going in the room with the wonderful water bowl! I LOVE that water bowl – always cool, clean water! She'll be out in just a minute, just a minute, just a.....yes, she's coming! She's here again.

Oh, oh, oh....

Now back to the room with the box that has pictures and sounds. Ah, I know what happens now. Yep, she's laying down on the big pad there. Now she'll sleep. But that’s okay.

She's HOME!

SHE'S home.
She's home.

And she smells tired. So I will lay beside her here and guard her and wait while she sleeps. And when she wakes up she won’t smell so tired. And we'll play and play.

S–i–g–h. I’ll just rest with her now, and smell her while she sleeps.

And wait again. For, the next thing that happens, HE'’LL be home.

And then, oh, oh, zzzzzzzzz........

-Written by Jana Mauney




  Golden Comedian Abbott

hard workerJohn, who lives in Santa Ana, CA sent in this funny photo of his special team member, Abbott. Here's what Abbott has to say for himself: "I spent the first two years of my life in training to be a CCI (Canine Companions for Independence) Service Dog to assist people with disabilities. The CCI folks always stressed the need for people to use praise as the primary motivator in my training. So, when I graduated as a Service Dog with my leader John in 1996, I felt very proud of myself and decided to have some fun during one of my off-duty moments. Here's a photo of me, the comedian!"





  Golden Comedian Aggie: Door Ringer

Papa & Mom, from Afton, Minnesota, sent in this story (September 2000) about their Aggie, a 4-year-old Golden. One night sometime last winter. they let out the family's two dogs, Aggie and 9-year-old Skeeter, a Golden/Brittany/Chow mix. They were sitting in the living room when the doorbell rang. Mom didn't know who it was because Aggie and Skeeter usually bark when someone drives up.

I have to tell you that Aggie took Ollie's IQ Test and is a Canine Genius. So maybe she's smarter than her family thinks! Well, Mom looked outside and there stood Aggie and Skeeter, all by their lonesome. Obviously, Aggie must have been the one to ring the doorbell. You see, Skeeter recently had hip dysplasia surgery, so it hurts him to jump up. Aggie has never jumped up on the door before. What a cool coincidence that the only time to do so, she wound up ringing the doorbell as well. Maybe Aggie really is smarter than her family thinks!



  Golden Comedian Alex 1: Rock Lover

Beautiful AlexKim & Jeff, from Simi Valley, California, sent us this story. They have a beautiful two-year-old delight named Alexandra. Well this tomboy, better known as Alex, has always loved to chew on anything. (Fortunately for Mom & Dad, this excluded the furniture!)

But, an indestructible toy was finally found for this little nut. And, what is it, you ask? It's ROCKS!! Alex is simply obsessed with rocks. Who knows why, but she collects them wherever she goes. Alex actually pushes the big ones around with her nose. But, Kim & Jeff had to stop this silly habit, because it was wearing out the top of her nose!





  Golden Comedian  Alex 2

On hot days, Sue puts a million ice cubes into her Golden Alex's water dish. She says, "They never stay there long though. He goes and picks one out, lays it on the floor. He goes back and grabs another one, etc. Until all of the ice cubes are out of the bowl. He lines them up perfectly in a neat little row. He then proceeds to lay down and eat them one by one. Meanwhile I am cleaning up the new Mississippi River he has created by dragging the cubes. He always looks so proud. And, all wet up to his eyes! doG I love him"




  Golden Comedian Bart

Jill Brickman of Tucson, Arizona writes often to boast of her Golden clan's antics. Here's her description of this photo. "This is the case of the missing underwear . . . who stole Daddy's undies. It looks like a dead giveaway (the undies are lying by Bart's head) however Bart really did not steal the underwear. Can you tell who looks most guilty? I think the guilty party just placed them next to Bart while he was sleeping!!"


And, if you look at this goofy face of Bart's here you can see why he could tend to be blamed for some of the craziness at Jill's house!




  Golden Comedians Beau and Meghan: Partners in Crime

Mom Rose, from Grimsby, Ontario in Canada, sent in this devilish story about her two beautiful Goldens, Beau & Meghan. Beau and Meghan are only four days apart in age. Certainly, Rose had no idea when she brought these two home what the family was getting into, as she and her hubby had never had puppies before. Within a few months Beau and Meghan were so active, finding them things to keep busy while they were teething was an experience. If they were not sleeping, they were getting into things.

One day, Rose remembers bending over, chasing Meghan, trying to get something that she had taken. Well, while she was bent over, Beau grabbed the back of her elastic-waisted shorts from the back, trying to keep Rose away from Meghan. Lo and behold, there was Rose with her shorts pulled down around her knees. She stopped, sat on the floor, and just laughed as pups Beau and Meghan jumped all over her . . . thinking that people have no idea how much work or how much fun these dogs really are. Now, this beautiful duo are 23 months of age. And, while most of the time dignified, Beau and Meghan can make Rose laugh by just walking in a room.




  Golden Comedian Bella's BooBoo's

The following letter [Nov 2001] about Bella came from Carol in Ligonier, PA. Carol had just entered her Bella in our Angels in Disguise Photo Contest, with a photo that showed her to be somewhat of a devil rather than angel. You see, she was shown hovering as she rested on the top of a sofa below a window sill. While Carol did make her get down, it wasn't until after taking a picture of the funny scene. Being a first time Golden Mom, she has been learning what it takes to be ever-vigilant. She assures me that following the below described escapade Bella remains alive, well-loved, and most likely plotting her next move! How could she do her in? They are due to begin training as a Therapy Dog team or as Carol says, "Maybe we will both just end up as a team in therapy!"
7-month-old Bella in her 'just washed' glory
"Bella, in true Golden fashion, loves to chew anything anytime  anywhere. (I have a secret shame that we were 3 cents short on our Pennies campaign contribution; but my dedication stopped at searching the yard for dog feces containing those copper misfits of the legal tender league.)

Thursday morning dawned clear and early. Bella greeted me with her usual exuberance, but this morning I was buoyed by her soft, sleek, just washed coat. Coffee in hand I sat down to catch up on my email. I had just finished a letter to my sister-in-law proudly exclaiming that nearly three months had gone by without Bella causing any major disasters costing thousands of dollars and medical or surgical attention (oh yes, there is more to this story), when I swiveled to give Bella a rub behind the ears and was confronted by a horror no pet owner should have to witness.

In the middle of my dining room floor, on my light beige carpet, Bella had happily feasted on a blue ink pen. Now, not wanting to scare her into running through the rest of the house and spreading her 'feast,' I calmly got up and walked over to her. At which point, she happily jumped up onto my brand new red bathrobe. I surveyed the damage to the carpet, her paws, her chest, her tongue, her nose, my newly redesigned bathrobe, and decided that perhaps the picture that I had taken on Wednesday night, may very well be her last."




  Golden Comedian Ben: A Swimming Fool

Georgina, who lives in Brazil, sent in this silly story about her special guy Ben. My dog Ben, who is three years old, loves to swim. My mother doesn't let him in our pool so he tries to swim in his water bowl. Water goes everywhere, and after a while, there is no more water left in the bowl. That makes my other Golden Retriever Canela and my poodle Toy Hunny very annoyed!




  Golden Comedian Brinkley

Two palsEd and Claire Martin, sent in this adorable picture of their Golden grandson, Brinkley. This is one special boy who is sure loved a lot! Brinkley is a rescue Golden from GRREAT, a super organization that is doing wonderful things for our Golden gems. He is living in Cambridge, MD with Ed & Clair's daughter Karen, and her husband Chuck. As you can see, Brinkley has obviously gotten "the call" to the ministry. He just loves "laying on Hands (Paws)" on Daddy Chuck!

Brinkley has been with Karen & Chuck Davis for almost a year now, adopted on January 25, 1999, at one year and 20 days old. His name at that time was "Earlie," but was changed to BRINKLEY. But, there is a heartwarming story behind this simple change. Hopefully, all you Golden lovers out there have seen the movie, "You've Got Mail" with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Well, did you remember the Golden role of Brinkley? Well, Karen & Chuck's guy is named for him. Seems like this young couple actually met in a chat room on Prodigy! After a modern meeting, they had a two-year traditional courtship, and then got married. Of course, just like the movie, they needed some GOLDEN love to round out their family. And, it looks like that's just what they got . . . . and lots of it, for sure!




  Golden Comedian Celine

(Mom) Diane, from North Bay, Ontario in Canada sent in this tale about 2-year-old Golden Celine. Diane's husband, Barry, suffers from sleep apnea. Of course, with all of the snoring which wakes her up, she takes to sleeping in the family room off of the kitchen. Golden Celine greets Mom in the morning after lying beside her, when she awakens. Diane's greeting is a kiss and sniff in the face. Then Celine tries to drag the extra bedding all over the family room. Meanwhile, there is lots of tripping going on over the bedding, as she holds onto the blanket in her mouth!

Well, one morning Celine decided she would drag the pillow around the room before Mom could put it away. She repeated this new behavior the next day, but on the third morning, Celine got really silly and PULLED the pillow OUT FROM UNDER Mom's head while she was still sleeping. She just dragged and dragged until finally retrieving it. Diane woke up in pain thinking her head had been towed by a trucking company. The whole act was so funny, along with the facial expressions of Celine, still dragging the pillow and rolling those dark eyes with the white part showing, grumbling the whole time!! Mom would certainly go through the pain again just to be loved by this dog!

Di sent us [1-30-01] another adorable story about her silly girl, Celine. (Now, we wonder where that lovely name came from?) Well, as any Golden would know, Celine thought she was being funny one evening by bringing her stainless steel dog dish into the living room after consuming her dinner! Actually, the trouble is, she WAS funny! Being concave, the dish ended up upside-down on the floor. Celine proceeded to paw at it, trying to turn it over. In the process, she turned it over once and it returned to its upside-down position again.

Well, this was cause for more fun! As Celine tried to turn the dish over again, all the while grumbling and excited, she pushed so hard on it that the silly dog shot it under her front legs, through the hind legs, and it slid under the computer desk! We watched her do this twice and after knowing how we all continued to watch her, laughing ourselves silly, she started to dance in a circle with her tail in her mouth and still grumbling! What a gal, so calming and entertaining. Ya gotta love her!



  Golden Comedian Cleo

Sue, who lives in Tasmania (Australia) sent in this hilarious photo of her Golden gem, Cleo. In this photograph, she was only nine months old at the time. But, you can already see that adorable Cleo "is quite a little character." Of course, this incognito pose didn't fool us for a minute!





  Golden Comedian Copper: Eat-a-Holic

Sisters Becca and Emily, from Ohio, sent in this story (October 2000) about their 7-month-old Golden Copper. Sadly, their Golden Retriever Sam died, which resulted in Copper then becoming part of the family. While this silly boy has been their pride and joy, he has a habit of EATING EVERYTHING! Copper has been to the vet so many times in his short life because of this little problem. He eats rocks, dirt, Becca's & Emily's socks, hair scrunchies, earrings (which the girls did not think was funny), tissues, toilet paper, and more. And get this, if you're just standing around and happen to have a tissue in your hand, watch out. Copper can smell this tissue (even from a mile away) which then has him running over and snatching it right out of your hand. It's lucky for Copper that the family still loves him.




  Golden Comedian Dakota: A Paper Shredder
Dakota and Sunny Rose
Linda, from Oak Forest, Illinois sent in a story about her Golden shredder, Dakota. I will let her tell this hilarious tale in her own words:

"In October 1998 Dakota and Flirt had their second litter of puppies — nine in this litter, 5 boys and 4 girls. Well, Dakota was not any more impressed with this bunch of crying kids as he was with the first bunch of six. The look on his face said everything! "Oh, no! They let more of those screamy, annoying little dogs in again! Where can I hide?"

Well, Dakota got through it all the way to Thanksgiving evening when three new puppy owners came to pick up their little treasures. I had three contracts with the money that was owed on each pup clipped together and sitting on the dresser in the bedroom waiting to be deposited in the bank on Friday morning. There was a check for $300 and the balance in cash. Around 2:30 am I heard a strange noise coming from the living room. I got up and snuck out there to see where it was coming from.

There was Dakota — happily chewing away on something. I bent down to see what it was and saw the corner of a $20 bill sticking out from underneath him. Between his big paws was the $300 check! There was NOTHING else in sight! He had EATEN everything! The contracts — the money — even the paper clips that the money was clipped to the contracts with! I yelled at him and he stood up and under him was a $100 bill — intact! Nothing else! Not even little bits of paper that are usually strewn around when a Golden decides to eat something paper. It looked like he vacuumed it up!

Well we were missing about $500 after retrieving the check, the $100 bill and the $20 bill. For a week I gloved and went out behind him and scooped — washed the poop in a strainer and got bits and pieces of the money back. I washed it and dried it and laid it out on paper and began the task of putting the $500 puzzle together! I pieced together what I thought was a bill, taped it, bagged it and taped the bag shut so no one would have to handle the bills. I took them to the bank and after everyone stopped laughing, they directed me to send it to Washington. I sent it to Washington and received a letter that they had received it. Three months later I received a check for $500.

Dakota still eats paper but has switched to books or magazines now. When he was a year old he shredded the yellow page phone book all over the office when we went to lunch. He was sitting in the middle of it staring at the door waiting for me to return and see his handiwork!"




  Golden Comedian Flame 

Beverly, of Aim-Hi Golden Retrievers in Alaska, sent in this hilarious picture. This is Flame, Funny FlameAim-Hi's Candle in the Wind, at 9 weeks of age. You'd never know her parents were champions (Ch. Chuckanut's Brasstime "Banjo" & Ch. Aim-Hi's First Addition "Addi"). From 5 weeks of age, Flame has loved this CAT toy. Despite 2 baskets of dog toys, she had to stick her head in this toy. Beverly says, "She would try and grab the smaller ball which was suspended by thick elastic in the middle." Flame finally got the small ball loose, entertaining herself by trying to grab the ball on the outside! Beverly says, "She was and still is a real character. When she got older she could still get her head through, and since she was quite a chewer, I let her keep playing with it. I thought it would keep her entertained and keep her from doing damage to other things." But, Flame still managed to pick things up in her mouth with this thing stuck on her head!

Flame might think she's a cat, loving to run into the cat tunnel & roll around inside of it. Beverly says, "We have a Siamese cat called Bob & I really think Flame thought he was one of her littermates! He was about her size then. I caught her charging against the babygate at 7 weeks, trying to fly over it to go upstairs just like Bob. She persevered until she knocked it over slightly and scrambled over the top. I never had a puppy so active, agile and inquisitive!"



  Golden Comedian Ginger: A Carrying Fool

Super GingerLizzi, from Chicago, Illinois sent in this clever story about her Golden gal, Ginger. Lizzi has had Ginger for about two years now, finding this gem of a comedian in the winter of 1997. Whenever she comes home, she first jumps up and puts her feet on the doorknob to help let Lizzi in. Then, she runs and gets a toy, and greets her wiggling at the door with the toy in her mouth. A couple of times, Ginger's brought socks or underwear instead of a toy, and once she brought a tiny little basket - a Christmas tree ornament that didn't get put away!

Suspicious GingerDoesn't Ginger look spiffy in her Superdog costume from last Halloween? What a funny face! The picture on the left was the result of Mom trying to get a cute picture of Ginger with her ears perked. Lizzi threw a toy across the room and snapped the picture when Ginger looked. However, Ginger realized what Mom was up to, so she peeked at her while still facing the toy. Boy, does she look suspicious!



We received (April 2001) the cutest photo additions for this special canine comedian. Lizzi has a new dog cart for Ginger, which she hopes to teach her how to pull for parades. She doesn't yet know how to pull it, but here she is all ready to go. Lizzi does think she likes it. Ginger sure does look serious in this pose with her new wagon.

And, look at this back view, where you can see Ginger's nameplate! What an adorable cart. I wish I had one for my Golden guys. Stay tuned to fine out how Lizzi does with this new venture.






  Golden Comedian Gracie: A Devil in Disguise
Leann Pickering from Warwick, Rhode Island wrote to tell us about her new puppy Gracie's latest escapade. The smart little one, she is obviously in her bratty teens right now according to Mom. And, big sister Golden Emily is just sitting back and watching all the antics with a huge smile on her face. Oh my!!

The Culprit Gracie
You would not believe the trouble I'm in for eating the blankie with all those pretty white feather thingies in it.

Emily thinks this is fun. Emily is buried in feathers!

In Jail Now
I got thrown in the slammer after eating the blankie. I'm not sure when if ever I will get paroled.

Em is choking on all these feathers!

If I breathe, they get in my mouth and nose!





  Golden Comedian Hope and the Three Chairs

Wendy Young of Lakeland, Florida has recently added a Golden girl named Hope to her Golden family, and the interaction between her Golden Izzie and Hope are just wonderful. Here is Wendy's latest (February 2006) tale:

Once upon a time there was a sweet Golden Retriever named Hope. One evening Hope began a quest for the perfect spot to take a nap. She tried the floor. But, alas, the floor was too cluttered with toys. Besides it was much too hard for such a gentle girl to get comfortable. She tried the couch. The couch was set beneath a great roaring rotating machine. The wind blowing contraption worried the fair Hope, so on she went in her quest.

Ah, what is that against the wall? A great green chair. Up Hope climbs. surely this is the perfect spot for a nap. Ah, no…this chair is far to big and green. No sweet Golden Retriever could ever nap in such a huge green chair.

She spies a chair by the door. Could this be the perfect napping chair? Up she climbs, turns around the customary three times …. only to be disappointed again. You see, this chair is far too small and squeaks much too loudly at every movement. The quest continued.

What’s this? The ugly brown chair in Mom’s bedroom. Could this much hated chair be THE chair? The perfect napping chair? Surely NOT! Lady Izabelle has warned her of the evils of THIS chair. Once one has sat upon this chair they turn into lazy clouts. She has seen it happen with her own eyes to her own Mother. “NO … NO … Fair Hope … do NOT be taken in by this evil chair!”… shouts Lady Izabelle.

But alas…the evil chair’s charms have taken over. For despite all of Lady Izabelle’s protests, the Fair Hope climbed into the evil brown chair and found it to be “just right”. The perfect napping chair.

So she napped happily ever after. The End



  Golden Comedian Jack: A Jekyl and Mr. Hyde!

JackLeann, from Rhode Island, sent in this story about her niece and nephew's Golden Retriever, Jack. Jack is a very silly dude, who loves making funny faces. Doesn't he look just ferocious here? NOT!! But, he will make this face if you touch his paws. Now, just look at this sweet "I'm as soft as a Golden pillow" photo of Jack with baby Blake. Jack with baby Blake

Jack is a three-year-old Golden who lives in New Hampshire. He belongs to Morgan, and twins, Blake and Bailey. Jack is really a very kind and sweet boy. One time, he went to the vet because he needed his tummy shaved. Well, while the vet was shaving Jack, all of the sudden he heard a funny noise coming from him. This supposedly ferocious guy had fallen asleep and was snoring!




  Golden Comedian Julee: A Fishy Situation

Dasa, from England, N. e Lincs, sent in this cute story about the family's 2-year-old Julian, or "Julee" for short. Julee lives with Dasa (13 years of age), his mum, Trevor, and his two fish, Tom and Jerry. Julee likes to go into Dasa's bedroom to find out what is in there. And he always jumps on the bed and lies down and watches the fish in the fish-tank. Then, he tries to smell them. When Julee sees that they are moving, he starts jumping around and barking and putting his head through the pillows. Then, he puts his paw on the fish tank and stops. It's like he's saying 'Hi!'



  Golden Comedians Kona and Willow
  What Love!

Jim & Gary of Anchorage, Alaska sent us this oh so charming photo. Only ten weeks of age, Kona & Willow look so comfy here. Need a nap? Can't find a pillow? No problem, just use your brother! Golden gal Willow (in the red collar) had no problem using her big brother for a pillow when the nap attack came on.

Willow and Denver

She may be adorable and sweet now, but we wonder how long little kitty Denver will let Willow snuggle up. Our Cindy, who looks very much like this darling, hasn't let Alfie or Darcy get that close. Oh well.








  Golden Comedian Kosmo: A Kitty Fiend   

Hi, I'm Kosmo!Mom Chelsea, from Litchfield, Illinois, sent in this wonderful story about her one-year-old Kosmo that turned out to have a PureGolden ending. When the Wesson Family (Chelsea, Susie & Freddy) first got Kosmo, they thought that he'd be okay around their cats. And, they were right as he never, ever bothered them. But then the family had two kittens thrown into their care when the kittens' mother died. The kittens stayed in their house until early June, at which time they then lived outside. Well, Kosmo decided to start chasing them, and playing with them, but not in a good way. He liked to pick up kitty Pepper in his mouth and shake her! Chelsea was terrified that he would hurt her, but he never did.

Nowadays, if Mom Chelsea can't find Pepper, she knows to look for Kosmo. You see, kitty Pepper sleeps by Kosmo all of the time now. They are truly the best of friends!




  Golden Comedian Libby

LibbyMom Jennifer sent in this silly picture of her 5-year-old Libby. Libby the fashion girl loves to travel! Check out this soft bite floppy disc dog hat straight from China! When she is not modeling, Libby is showering Golden love on her family, which also includes Krystal and Bernard in sunny Scottsdale, Arizona. And, she's got both brains and beauty! Mom just resubmitted her Doggie IQ Test score, as Libby moved from the "Brighter than Average" to "Very Intelligent" range (in the last year and a half).






  Golden Comedian Maddi: A Very Busy Girl!

Jill Brickman of Tucson, Arizona writes often to boast of her Golden clan's antics. Here's her description of Maddi, The housewife. "My Maddison retrieves all six of the dog dishes for me after the morning and evening meals. She brings them to the sink and then releases them for me to wash. It's become a ritual for her. Sometimes she will stack one dish into another and pick up two dishes for efficiency purposes. Now that's hilarious!! It really helps me because two of the dogs eat in the other part of the house and she saves me that walk! It's really priceless and I didn't teach her. I just started reinforcing this behavior when she started displaying it."

Here is a glimpse at Maddi at work, and according to Jill, the following series of slides was not edited nor was it a 'staged event'.










  Golden Comedians Midas and Lady

I asked my friend Jo Bighouse from Virginia to add her Golden tale: When Rochelle asked me to write down some anecdotes about living with 7 Goldens and 1 Golden/Border Collie rescue my first thought was, “Oh my, where would I even start?” Would I write about the time Murphy dressed up as a reindeer with light-up antlers and helped Santa give out candy canes to the children at our preschool?

Or maybe I should share the time Midas played fetch with my son in the dining room. Telling your children not to throw a ball in the house is like telling Goldens not to play tug of war with the socks they take out of your laundry basket. So, true to form, my son threw Midas’ tennis ball across the room. As it flew over the dining room table Midas was in hot pursuit. He landed on the table, rode the tablecloth to the other end and with amazing grace vaulted into the air to catch the ball before it ever hit the floor. His prowess would have impressed me if I weren’t so preoccupied with watching my grandmother’s candelabra hit the floor.

Perhaps the time I spent three hours trying to coax my foster Golden out of the pond would be amusing to some. After he had lived with us for a week I got the bright idea of showing him the pond. I was so pleased to see his joyous reaction as he plunged in for a swim. Thirty minutes later I thought he must be tiring so I called for him to come out. His doggy paddle did not miss a beat as he glanced at me with a wide grin on his Golden face. OK, maybe just a few more minutes I decided. Two hours later I had tried everything in my bag of tricks to lure this Golden Mark Spitz out of the water. First I ran to the house for his favorite stuffed squeaky toy. I must have been quite a sight as I danced around the pond squeaking a bright yellow platypus. Next came the dog treats. Surely a cellophane pouch crinkling would get his attention. He barely even noticed me. Perhaps a bowl of his favorite dog food would be more fun than water. Now his expression clearly conveyed, “I think not.” Out came more toys, more treats, and every happy phrase I knew. Finally I sat down among the bounty and waited for him to decide when swim time would be over. An hour later, well after the sun had set, he strolled out of the pond, shook water all over me, and we walked to the house together – one of us with a big smile his face and the other mumbling under her breath.

Maybe I should write about the game the Goldens play with one of the ducks in the pond. Seven dogs jump into the pond (the Golden/Border Collie prefers to wait on dry land and herd the dogs back to the house when they are finished) and begin swimming after the smallest duck. They follow in unison a mere 12 inches from the duck’s tail feathers. As the duck turns the entire crowd turns as if they are all one. When the duck has had enough she will dive under water. It is absolutely hilarious to see seven Goldens put on the brakes in the middle of the water, poke their heads up in the air, and look around with a “where did she go” look on their faces. They will frantically look this way and that until they see her pop up to the surface on the other side of the pond. Off they go, and the game continues.

Then there was the time one of my 6 month old pups, Lady, came trotting up with a duck in her mouth. My first reaction was distress for the duck but I knew I had to be careful not to show any displeasure for her natural bird dog instincts. She was so proud of herself as she stood before me with her prize. I gave her the command to release and she obediently dropped him into my hands. As I cradled the duck against my chest his head came up, he made a few quacks, and completely recovered from his ordeal within minutes. There was not a mark on him from Lady’s soft Golden mouth. I returned him to the pond and he appeared to go into overdrive as he swam as far away as possible from his new Golden playmate.

A description of a typical morning routine at the Midas Touch Golden household may also be an anecdote to share. At 5:30 AM the first of the dogs begins to stir. If I feign sleep and do not move a muscle I may be able to keep them at bay another thirty minutes. However, once they know I am awake there will be 8 heads surrounding my bed and 16 eyes peering at me just waiting for a sign that my feet will soon hit the floor.

As we prepare for our morning walk the hallway is crowded with dogs. Each knows the routine – first shift is Rocky, Midas, Lady, and Buffy; second shift is Sassy, Missy, Amber, and Murphy; and the last shift is the resident foster dog. Usually they line up with the first group closest to the door. Now and then they get a bit mixed up so it necessitates someone at the far end of the hall working their way through the crowd. As I state their name followed by “outside” you can just see them calculating the shortest route to the door. Then, in typical Golden fashion, they push through everyone in their way. It is not unusual to see a pair of back legs fly up in the air after someone has determined the best route is under the others.

After the morning walk comes breakfast. My dogs react to the sound of a vitamin bottle and food processor like most respond to a can opener. Eyes and mouths are wide open as they anticipate antioxidant supplements – yum! And fresh vegetables – yes! Food preparation takes about thirty minutes so they will all lounge in the kitchen patiently waiting for their meal. As the yogurt container comes out they know the first course is about to be served. Each assumes the position to be ready when their bowl hits the floor. The yogurt is devoured within seconds and they are soon quivering with excitement for the second course. Will it be the famous dog soup of ground beef, vegetables, rice, and garlic? Or maybe today there will be chicken, vegetables, oatmeal, and pasta!  You have never seen such excitement. I’m sure this is one of the reasons I indulge my dogs by cooking their meals. My children never show a fraction of this excitement when I tell them dinner is ready.

Finally I decided what I must write about is the time I introduced a litter of 6-week old pups to water. They were taken to their outdoor exercise area with a child’s swimming pool. As the pool began to fill a Golden frenzy broke out. Puppies were rolling, jumping, grabbing the hose, and completely beside themselves with exuberance. The sides of the pool were a little too high for them to walk over so they would put their front feet on the rim and then slide in with their little back feet pointing to the sky. What happened next had me doubled over in laughter. Five of the pups had climbed into the pool and began chasing each other around the perimeter. They ran for so long and with such momentum they created a whirlpool. All you could see was a blur of Golden fur and swirling water. Water was flying out faster than the hose could replenish it. They were some exhausted little pups when they finally slowed down.

Life with my Golden pack is fun. I have convinced myself that I prefer vinyl floors to carpet and that I am happy my oriental rugs are in storage. I have learned to work baby gates and dog crates into my décor and I very seldom wear black. Although we do have our less than blissful moments – like the day the puppies chewed on the legs of my antique rocker, or the time the dogs pulled my important documents off the table and turned them into confetti. But 99.99% of the time I couldn’t imagine my life without 8+ Goldens. 




  Golden Comedian Penny: The Treat Retriever

Mary Jane sent us these photos [May 2007] of her new Golden Rescue girl, Penny. The first picture shows Penny barking at her parcel (filled with Dr. Becker's Bison Bites) in the mailbox. And, the last photo shows Penny beginning to tear open the package. For the ones in between, she is running around chortling about her package. This is how Mary Jane described her reaction: "Penny got her package of Dr. Becker's treats today. I wish I had a camera when the mail came. Mike took the package out of the mailbox and handed it to Penny saying it was for her. She was so cute running around the yard with it in her mouth. She didn't want to give it to me but when I finally got it, and opened it, she was so excited. She went crazy over these bison treats. Penny likes them so much that I am going to use them at agility training."





  Golden Comedian Ralph: The Water Boy

Alie and Mike from Nevada, Iowa sent us this fishy tale about their 1-year-old guy Ralph [March 2003]. Here is what they had to say: "Our dog is quite the character, being my first pup and my husband's first Golden we never know what to expect. We have learned by not so subtle hints that Ralph likes to take baths. Whenever someone is in the bathroom, Ralph will walk right past you and hop into the dry bathtub and sit there grinning. He also used to hop in the tub when someone was taking a shower. But, we broke the habit when he reached 80 pounds and there was no longer room in the tub for him. Now he just sticks his head in and tries to catch water and ends up with a very wet face, but very happy.

We also learned that he likes to chase our goldfish back and forth in our biggest aquarium. Ralph doesn't bark at them at all but tries to lick them every once in a while. We also have two Oscars but he won't mess with that aquarium at all (could it be because they're so mean looking asides from being aggressive?). He keeps us laughing MOST of the time. There have been quite a few occasions when Ralph has stepped over the line, but at that point I look at him so happy and I feel so desperate about my things ruined that all I can do is laugh at myself and him and see why I love my furry teddy bear so much."



  Golden Comedian Reno The Muncher
Gail Schwichtenberg from Cudahy, Wisconsin wrote in September 2003 to tell me about her guy's dangerous money cravings!

"In November of 2000, I had just started working again and received my first paycheck. I was so excited. I put it on the kitchen table and went to change clothes before I went to the bank. When I came back into the kitchen I couldn't find my check. Well, I looked on the floor and there was my one-year-old Reno with a corner of the check hanging out of his mouth. The rest was gone. I went back to my new employer the next day and had to tell them that my dog ate my check. I felt like I was in school again using the old stand-by 'my dog ate my homework'. We always have a good laugh about this one. To this day Reno will still eat paper. Not too long ago I had a $50 bill on the table. I should of learned my lesson, but Reno got that one too. You would think he would realize that we do buy him presents with that money. Well, it sure won't happen a third time!"




  Golden Comedian Sandy

SandyCarol, from Reading, Pennsylvania, has been a Land of PureGold visitor for some time. She uses our website to ease a hectic workday. This picture of her gal, Sandy, the Golden Flower Shop PR Pup, is a pure gem! Carol has a home-based flower shop business, CAROL Shoppes, that Golden Sandy has her career (public relations) training in.

A Golden GiftSandy has two spots in the workrooms, and knows how to smell but not bite the flowers. She is just the perfect girl. Customers come in the shop, ignore Carol, go right to the kitchen gate, and then call "Sandy!" Of course, she comes lickity-split. Boy, can this Golden gem sell flowers! And, we hear Sandy is learning how to gently hold a rose, for future PR pictures. Now, we're begging now. Please, please, Carol send us one of these photos when this feat has been accomplished! That will certainly be a photo for all time.

Carol helped with Delaware Valley Golden Retriever Rescue's kickoff Golden Gateway dinner event that took place on May 21, 2000. Her flower shop did the centerpieces and this adorable photo of Sandy was in each one. Doesn't she look regal here surrounded by these lovely flowers?

World famous "Golden Sandy of CAROL Shoppes, florist" in Reiffton, Pennsylvania has still another new title! In addition to Sales Rep, PR Assistant, Delivery Assistant, and Head Flower Sniffer (no bite!), she is now the business's "Landscape Consultant". Sandy moves her sticks and tennis balls to an appropriate place so Dad can toss a few in between rows of mows. As you can see, they are having a "consult" at this very moment! Notice, how Mom Carol slipped those daisies into the coffee holder of Dad's new tractor? Everyone is inspired at this little rosy place!






  Golden Comedian Savannah: Kitty Lover

Jessica, from Raton, New Mexico, sent in this silly tale. It seems that her 6-month-old Golden puppy Savannah, just loves their cat, Lindsay. It seems that she chases Lindsay around the house trying to catch him. Once she does, Savannah goes on to step on his tail so that he can't get away. Then, she just starts licking away until she has practically "licked him to death." Of course, when Savannah has finished this cleaning ritual, she lets him go and then goes ahead and does the same thing all over again!



  Golden Comedian Scotty

Puppy ScottyGerry, from Oregon, provided this story (December 2000) about 2-year-old Golden Scotty. Gerry and her husband Curt are involved in several aspects of Assistance Dog work, from puppy raising for established organizations to volunteering with their own Therapy Dogs. Their business, The Raspberry Field, provides customized Assistance and Working Dogs Capes. While Gerry has special Therapy Dog Patches, she also will sew on a person's own patches as well to these capes. So, of course, I mailed off my own CGC and Therapy Dog patches along with some other Golden goodies. Here is the reply I received:

"I got the patches yesterday and will get to work on Darcy's cape. Funny story. I was so excited to see the beautiful cards, I must have dropped the CGC on the floor when I opened the envelope. I zipped into my office, thinking of all my Golden friends who are going to get a card and then I opened your note and there was only one patch in it . . . . the Therapy Dog patch.

I spent several frustrated minutes pushing stuff around on my desktop looking for the other patch and trying to remember if there really were two patches coming and maybe I'd just become confused about the CGC patch. During my search, I had to keep pushing past Scott's big nose because he kept pestering me by shoving it into my arm and I figured he was trying to see what all the excitement was about. Well, you guess it. I finally stopped rummaging around my desktop and took a moment to glance at Scotty and guess what he was gently holding in his mouth? When will I ever learn that my Goldens are smarter then I am? So, Darcy's CGC patch is a little damp, a little slobbery, but safe and sound on my desktop, ready to be sewn onto her cape. Sigh!" 



  Golden Comedian Sherlock

Tom & Patti from Minneapolis, Minnesota, sent me this story [March 2003] about their 15½-year-old dude, Sherlock: "The summer Sherlock was four, we took a trip to visit my in-laws in South Dakota.  My sister-in-law was also visiting, and had brought the ingredients and accoutrements necessary to make a Norwegian wedding cake. On Saturday, she and my mother-in-law spent ALL DAY making the 12 molded layers of heavy, almond paste dough, and decorating the cake with all kinds of frosting and small silver balls. They placed the cake on an antique cake stand and left it on the counter while we went out to eat. After dinner, they returned home and my husband and I went out for awhile. 

When we got back, we found the in-laws sitting in the living room, looking like they weren't sure whether to laugh or cry! One look in the kitchen told us why — no wedding cake, just a spotless cake stand right where it had stood, and one BLOATED Golden Retriever laying on the floor. We got Sherlock outside right away (with some hydrogen peroxide to help the cake back up) and later, he was fine. To this day, my Swedish father-in-law tells everyone that 'Sherlock just pulled the chair right up to the counter, ate the cake, licked the plate clean and put the chair back.' This is only one of our Sherlock + food = trouble! stories, but it certainly is the most interesting!



  Golden Comedian Shiloh

Marcy and Beverly (above) love to gossip in the hot tub. And, what do their Goldens do in the meantime? Well, they love to spit their dirty tennis balls in the water to be tossed off the deck, tearing after them over and over. One day the water was too hot, so they took the cover off to let it cool. After 10 minutes, they found a really silly, soggy Shiloh. "Here she was, stuck with her hocks on the edge of the tub, swimming furiously to keep up with the jets. She was hot, soaked & tired. It was below zero so we didn't want to leave her out in the cold. We dried her off and stuck her in the house while we soaked & threw balls for the others. Shiloh of course had other ideas" (now furious about being left out).

When they came inside from the hot tub, their feet were met with sharp tiny shards of remote control pieces. "Shiloh had shredded the TV remote to the molecular level. Must have been 1000 pieces, all sharp. What are you going to do? There she stood, proud as can be, wagging her wet tail. You gotta love her!"




  Golden Comedian Sydney

Beverly Erickson, of Beaverton, Oregon sent in this story about sweet little Golden puppy Sydney. "Sydney is actually sound asleep! She likes to sack out on the shelf under the coffee table. Mom and Dad, Marita and Ron Postma, own a communications store. Sydney probably got tired of listening to them talk cell phones."






  Golden Comedian Zoeydpaw

Adele Rouser from Greensboro, North Carolina just sent me this story [March 2003]:

"Here are my Zoeydpaw and granddaughter Alex in look-alike pictures with their St. Patrick's Day headbands on. It's a toss-up here on who is the cutest! The photo guy at the drug store cracked up when these came out. Zoey is so used to me doing stuff like this to her that after the photo opportunity she went to her bowl and ate lunch . . . with the headband just dangling on her head."  









  Golden Comedian Burton, Killer Watchdog!

This funny tale comes from Scotty Richardson, who has done much therapy work through the SW Washington Humane Society. Scotty actually submitted a prize-winning entry, Goldens ─ Behind Bars, in our very first contest here at the Land of PureGold.  Scotty currently [9/2009] has four Goldens, and they have all worked up a storm, as you can see by the titles following their names:
  ♥ Porkchop PFTD, CGC, TDIA OV
  ♥ Burton PFTD, CGC, TDI
  ♥ Harlow, SD, PFTD Therapy Dog, CGC,  TDI, CCCR and DLAATD (Porkchop's daughter)

Burton is a rescue, or a placement depending on whom is asked. He came to us at 18 months withissues. With our other "used dogs" we've always been able to get them over their quirks. But not Burt. We love him dearly, but Burton was sent to us from on high as a trial. Burton is nearly 9 now, and there is no sign of mellowing.

Burton picked up a habit from our dearly departed "Fecal Gourmet"; Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue got gourmet status from only eating her own turf tacos. Never the other dogs. Perhaps she was afraid of germs? Burton is not nearly as discriminating but twice as sneaky. Mostly he cleans up after Porkchop. This is partly because Porkchop does the "old dog defecation" meaning she has to walk as she poops, leaving a 30 foot trail of little turdlets difficult to find in the grass. A couple of times I've watched Burt, hoping to scare him s***less, literally.

This boy is clever. He waits in a hidden corner of the yard carefully observing hisquarry. If he doesn't see any humans, he sidles up to the berm burrito. Usually he'll go past it, still searching for possible human intervention. Once he feels safe, he's quick as a bunny. Sigh. Burton also is a cat turd aficionado. The neighbors stupid cats defecate in OUR flower beds so Burt cleans that up, too. Little does Burt know that it's a dead giveaway when we feed him a cup and a half of dog food and he poops 3 cups. Ah well, I refuse to kiss the dude. Flies die from his breath.

Burton would love to be an outside dog. He lays out in the grass even on hot days. In the evenings he lays on the patio and waits for action. Burt has figured out [he ain't stupid] if a security light goes off in the driveway, there must be something there. 99% of the time that something is a cat. No matter! Burt goes ballistic! He has the most blood-curdling bark-or screamenough to scare the daylights out of anything!

It goes something like thisBARKaroooooeeeeeeeee raising his voice at least three octaves so the "eeeeeee" part comes out as a squeal. The last time I heard a noise like that was when I was a kid and got too close to a friends backswing practicing golf. Got me right in the balls. I got letters from the Vienna boy's choir, needing a soprano. I have heard similar notes achieved by Maria Carey or Aretha Franklin but I doubt they got kicked in the testicles. Because Burt's testicles are history I doubt he got kicked in them, either. Maybe the vet missed one.

Back to Burt. Along with this piggy squeal, all his considerable hair stands up on his backside, he goes stiff-legged looking like a huge inchworm with a Mohawk haircut. Once the squealing like a pig subsides, he still walks stiff-legged around the yard mumbling to himself. You have no idea how safe this makes us feel. Nobody in their right mind is coming in that yard after they hear that noise. One really bad thing about all Burt's excitement is he gets Blind Earnie going. First Earnie runs into the doorframe on the way out, then a post, then the fence, wellyou get it. Porkchop and Harlow? They may raise their heads and look at us like "stooooopid boys". Must be a guy thing.






Your choice — turn off music or keep on.