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Have fun
visiting our many Canine Comedians. They are surely the Jerry Seinfeld's of the
canine world. up
TaleTell: Your own Stories of Golden Canine
Comedians
Do you have a Golden Retriever comedian tale that you would like to share?
Just send it here.
THE WELCOME
By Jana Mauney |
I hear it! I hear the car! HER car! And she's
coming this way!
Oh, oh, I must run in and grab a gift! I must greet her with a gift!
Oh, ’BONK’ missed the step. No matter, I must hurry. Move over,
doggy door! She's coming, she's coming!
Gift, gift, where, what, oh, oh, oh, ah! A plastic bottle she drinks
from, right here on top of the container they call trash! Oh,
perfect.
She's coming, she's coming! Oh, oh, oh...
The door! I hear the door sound that sounds right before she comes
in!
Oh, it's OPENING! SHE'S HOME!
Oh, oh, ’wiggle, wiggle, wiggle’ I cannot be still! You're home! And
look, look, I have this nice bottle! Oh, oh, you're home! YOU'RE
HOME!
I have missed you so much, you've been gone hours, weeks, days,
years! And so much has happened! A dog ran by and I chewed a tree
and Pluto slept under the house and it rained a little!
Oh, oh, oh! You're home, you're home!
And you're touching me! I can't stand it, it's so marvelous! Oh, and
you're speaking! “Murble, murble, good boy, murble, murble.”
YES! Your happy voice. Oh, I'm about to burst! I'm so happy, happy,
happy! Yes! I want to jump! I'm not supposed to jump, but oh, oh,
just a little jump!
”Off.”
Darn. Oh, I cannot be still.
I'll roll over and wiggle on my back! Oh, yes! She's rubbing me–my
tummy, my head, my sides! Oh, oh,oh.
Now what? Now where's she going? Oh, oh, yes! Back to the room where
we sleep at night! Great! It has the big pad we sleep on and
’L–E–A–P‘ I can get up here close to her.
And here she comes!
Oh, oh, oh! I can stand on my legs and put my paws around her neck
and–uh oh. Can't lick with this bottle in my mouth. But it’s my
present to her! Oh, oh, what to do? And she's rubbing me! But I want
to lick her, oh, oh, I think I'm about to burst!
”Off.”
Oh, darn. Drop the bottle. Oh, YES! She’s coming back!
She took off the pieces she puts on her eyes, and I can stand and
'lick, lick' I love you, I love you, I love you, I love ’lick, lick,
lick’ you taste so good, salty, sweet, I love that stuff you smear
on your face every day, I love to lick it off, oh, oh, and you're
rubbing me again!
My back, my head, my ears, oh, oh ’lick, lick, lick’. ”Murble,
murble, Mickee, good boy, murble, murble.”
”Off.”
Darn.
I will lay here and watch her. Watch her peel her fur–it’s–not. It
is very warm. I don’t know because I don’t think. How does she do
that?
And I will get that look on my face that always makes her come and
rub me. The look where I roll my eyes up, and keep my head flat here
and she will come...and she's putting on her play skin! YES! We will
play–sometime. My tail cannot be still. I am SO happy, happy, happy.
Now she’s going in the room with the wonderful water bowl! I LOVE
that water bowl – always cool, clean water! She'll be out in just a
minute, just a minute, just a.....yes, she's coming! She's here
again.
Oh, oh, oh....
Now back to the room with the box that has pictures and sounds. Ah,
I know what happens now. Yep, she's laying down on the big pad
there. Now she'll sleep. But that’s okay.
She's HOME!
SHE'S home.
She's home.
And she smells tired. So I will lay beside her here and guard her
and wait while she sleeps. And when she wakes up she won’t smell so
tired. And we'll play and play.
S–i–g–h. I’ll just rest with her now, and smell her while she
sleeps.
And wait again. For, the next thing that happens, HE'’LL be home.
And then, oh, oh, zzzzzzzzz........
-Written by Jana Mauney |
Golden Comedian Abbott |
John, who lives in Santa Ana, CA sent in this funny photo of his special team member, Abbott. Here's what Abbott has to say for himself:
"I spent the first two years of my life in training to be a CCI (Canine Companions
for Independence) Service Dog to assist people with disabilities. The CCI folks always
stressed the need for people to use praise as the primary motivator in my training. So,
when I graduated as a Service Dog with my leader John in 1996, I felt very proud of myself
and decided to have some fun during one of my off-duty moments. Here's a photo of me, the
comedian!"
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Golden Comedian Aggie: Door Ringer |
Papa & Mom, from Afton, Minnesota, sent in this story (September 2000) about their Aggie, a 4-year-old Golden. One night sometime
last winter. they let out the family's two dogs, Aggie and 9-year-old Skeeter, a
Golden/Brittany/Chow mix. They were sitting in the living room when the doorbell rang. Mom
didn't know who it was because Aggie and Skeeter usually bark when someone drives up.
I have to tell you that Aggie took
Ollie's
IQ Test and is a Canine Genius. So maybe she's smarter than
her family thinks! Well, Mom looked outside and there stood Aggie and Skeeter, all by
their lonesome. Obviously, Aggie must have been the one to ring the doorbell. You see,
Skeeter recently had hip dysplasia surgery, so it hurts him to jump up. Aggie has never
jumped up on the door before. What a cool coincidence that the only time to do so, she
wound up ringing the doorbell as well. Maybe Aggie really is smarter than her family
thinks!
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Golden Comedian Alex 1: Rock Lover |
Kim & Jeff, from Simi Valley, California, sent us this story. They
have a beautiful two-year-old delight named Alexandra.
Well this tomboy, better known as Alex, has always loved to chew
on anything. (Fortunately for Mom & Dad, this excluded the furniture!)
But, an indestructible toy was finally found for this
little nut. And, what is it, you ask? It's ROCKS!! Alex is simply obsessed with rocks. Who
knows why, but she collects them wherever she goes. Alex actually pushes the big ones
around with her nose. But, Kim & Jeff had to stop this silly habit, because it was
wearing out the top of her nose!
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Golden Comedian Alex 2 |
On hot days, Sue puts a million ice cubes into her Golden Alex's water dish. She says, "They never stay
there long though. He goes and picks one out, lays it on the floor. He goes back
and grabs another one, etc. Until all of the ice cubes are out of the bowl. He lines
them up perfectly in a neat little row. He then proceeds to lay down and eat them one
by one. Meanwhile I am cleaning up the new Mississippi River he has created by dragging
the cubes. He always looks so proud. And, all wet up to his eyes! doG I
love him"
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Golden Comedian Bart |
Jill Brickman of Tucson, Arizona writes often to boast of her Golden clan's
antics. Here's her description of this photo. "This is the case of the missing
underwear . . . who stole Daddy's undies. It looks like a dead giveaway (the undies are
lying by Bart's head) however Bart really did not steal the underwear. Can you tell who looks most guilty? I
think the guilty party just placed them next to Bart while he was sleeping!!"
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And, if you look at this goofy face of
Bart's here you can see why he could tend to be blamed for some of the craziness at Jill's
house!
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Golden Comedians Beau and Meghan: Partners
in Crime |
Mom Rose, from Grimsby, Ontario in Canada, sent in this devilish story about her two
beautiful Goldens, Beau & Meghan. Beau
and Meghan are only four days apart in age. Certainly, Rose had no idea when she brought
these two home what the family was getting into, as she and her hubby had never had
puppies before. Within a few months Beau and Meghan were so active, finding them things to
keep busy while they were teething was an experience. If they were not sleeping, they were
getting into things. One day, Rose remembers bending over,
chasing Meghan, trying to get something that she had taken. Well, while she was bent over,
Beau grabbed the back of her elastic-waisted shorts from the back, trying to keep Rose
away from Meghan. Lo and behold, there was Rose with her shorts pulled down around her
knees. She stopped, sat on the floor, and just laughed as pups Beau and Meghan jumped all
over her . . . thinking that people have no idea how much work or how much fun these dogs
really are. Now, this beautiful duo are 23 months of age. And, while most of the time
dignified, Beau and Meghan can make Rose laugh by just walking in a room.
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Golden Comedian Bella's BooBoo's |
The following letter [Nov 2001] about Bella came
from Carol in Ligonier, PA. Carol had just entered her Bella in our
Angels
in Disguise Photo Contest, with a photo that showed her to be somewhat of a devil
rather than angel. You see, she was shown hovering as she rested on the top of a sofa
below a window sill. While Carol did make her get down, it wasn't until after taking a
picture of the funny scene. Being a first time Golden Mom, she has been learning what it
takes to be ever-vigilant. She assures me that following the below described escapade
Bella remains alive, well-loved, and most likely plotting her next move! How could she do
her in? They are due to begin training as a Therapy Dog team or as Carol says, "Maybe
we will both just end up as a team in therapy!"
"Bella, in true Golden fashion, loves to chew anything anytime anywhere. (I
have a secret shame that we were 3 cents short on our Pennies campaign contribution; but
my dedication stopped at searching the yard for dog feces containing those copper misfits
of the legal tender league.)
Thursday morning dawned clear and early. Bella greeted me with her usual exuberance, but
this morning I was buoyed by her soft, sleek, just washed coat. Coffee in hand I sat down
to catch up on my email. I had just finished a letter to my sister-in-law proudly
exclaiming that nearly three months had gone by without Bella causing any major disasters
costing thousands of dollars and medical or surgical attention (oh yes, there is more to
this story), when I swiveled to give Bella a rub behind the ears and was confronted by a
horror no pet owner should have to witness.
In the middle of my dining room floor, on my light beige carpet, Bella had
happily feasted on a blue ink pen. Now, not wanting to scare her into running through the
rest of the house and spreading her 'feast,' I calmly got up and walked over to her. At
which point, she happily jumped up onto my brand new red bathrobe. I surveyed the damage
to the carpet, her paws, her chest, her tongue, her nose, my newly redesigned bathrobe,
and decided that perhaps the picture that I had taken on Wednesday night, may very well be
her last."
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Golden Comedian Ben: A Swimming Fool |
Georgina, who lives in Brazil, sent in this silly story about her special
guy Ben. My dog Ben, who is three years old,
loves to swim. My mother doesn't let him in our pool so he tries to swim in his water
bowl. Water goes everywhere, and after a while, there is no more water left in the bowl.
That makes my other Golden Retriever Canela and my poodle Toy Hunny very annoyed!
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Golden Comedian Brinkley |
Ed and Claire Martin, sent in this adorable picture of their Golden
grandson, Brinkley. This is one special boy
who is sure loved a lot! Brinkley is a rescue Golden from
GRREAT,
a super organization that is doing wonderful things for our Golden gems. He is living in
Cambridge, MD with Ed & Clair's daughter Karen, and her husband Chuck. As you can see,
Brinkley has obviously gotten "the call" to the ministry. He just loves
"laying on Hands (Paws)" on Daddy Chuck! Brinkley has been with Karen & Chuck
Davis for almost a year now, adopted on January 25, 1999, at one year and 20 days old. His
name at that time was "Earlie," but was changed to BRINKLEY. But, there is a
heartwarming story behind this simple change. Hopefully, all you Golden lovers out there
have seen the movie, "You've Got Mail" with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Well, did
you remember the Golden role of Brinkley? Well, Karen & Chuck's guy is named for him.
Seems like this young couple actually met in a chat room on Prodigy! After a modern
meeting, they had a two-year traditional courtship, and then got married. Of course, just
like the movie, they needed some GOLDEN love to round out their family. And, it looks like
that's just what they got . . . . and lots of it, for sure!
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Golden Comedian Celine |
(Mom) Diane, from North Bay, Ontario in Canada
sent in this tale about 2-year-old Golden Celine. Diane's
husband, Barry, suffers from sleep apnea. Of course, with
all of the snoring which wakes her up, she takes to sleeping
in the family room off of the kitchen. Golden Celine greets
Mom in the morning after lying beside her, when she awakens.
Diane's greeting is a kiss and sniff in the face. Then
Celine tries to drag the extra bedding all over the family
room. Meanwhile, there is lots of tripping going on over the
bedding, as she holds onto the blanket in her mouth!
Well, one morning Celine decided she would drag the pillow
around the room before Mom could put it away. She repeated
this new behavior the next day, but on the third morning,
Celine got really silly and PULLED the pillow OUT FROM UNDER
Mom's head while she was still sleeping. She just dragged
and dragged until finally retrieving it. Diane woke up in
pain thinking her head had been towed by a trucking company.
The whole act was so funny, along with the facial
expressions of Celine, still dragging the pillow and rolling
those dark eyes with the white part showing, grumbling the
whole time!! Mom would certainly go through the pain again
just to be loved by this dog! Di sent us [1-30-01] another adorable story about her silly girl, Celine.
(Now, we wonder where that lovely name came from?) Well, as any Golden would know, Celine
thought she was being funny one evening by bringing her stainless steel dog dish into the
living room after consuming her dinner! Actually, the trouble is, she WAS funny! Being
concave, the dish ended up upside-down on the floor. Celine proceeded to paw at it, trying
to turn it over. In the process, she turned it over once and it returned to its
upside-down position again.
Well, this was cause for more fun! As Celine tried to turn the dish over again, all the
while grumbling and excited, she pushed so hard on it that the silly dog shot it under her
front legs, through the hind legs, and it slid under the computer desk! We watched her do
this twice and after knowing how we all continued to watch her, laughing ourselves silly,
she started to dance in a circle with her tail in her mouth and still grumbling! What a
gal, so calming and entertaining. Ya gotta love her!
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Golden Comedian Cleo |
Sue, who lives in Tasmania (Australia) sent in this hilarious photo of her Golden gem, Cleo. In this photograph, she was only nine months
old at the time. But, you can already see that adorable Cleo "is quite a little
character." Of course, this incognito pose didn't fool us for a minute!
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Golden Comedian Copper: Eat-a-Holic |
Sisters Becca and Emily, from Ohio, sent in this story (October 2000)
about their 7-month-old Golden Copper.
Sadly, their Golden Retriever Sam died, which resulted in Copper then becoming part of the
family. While this silly boy has been their pride and joy, he has a habit of EATING
EVERYTHING! Copper has been to the vet so many times in his short life because of this
little problem. He eats rocks, dirt, Becca's & Emily's socks, hair scrunchies,
earrings (which the girls did not think was funny), tissues, toilet paper, and more. And
get this, if you're just standing around and happen to have a tissue in your hand, watch
out. Copper can smell this tissue (even from a mile away) which then has him running over
and snatching it right out of your hand. It's lucky for Copper that the family still loves
him.
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Golden Comedian Dakota: A Paper Shredder |
Linda, from Oak Forest, Illinois sent in a story
about her Golden shredder, Dakota. I will
let her tell this hilarious tale in her own words: "In October 1998 Dakota and Flirt
had their second litter of puppies nine in this litter, 5
boys and 4 girls. Well, Dakota was not any more impressed with this bunch of crying kids
as he was with the first bunch of six. The look on his face said everything! "Oh, no!
They let more of those screamy, annoying little dogs in again! Where can I hide?"
Well, Dakota got through it all the way
to Thanksgiving evening when three new puppy owners came to pick up their little
treasures. I had three contracts with the money that was owed on each pup clipped together
and sitting on the dresser in the bedroom waiting to be deposited in the bank on Friday
morning. There was a check for $300 and the balance in cash. Around 2:30 am I heard a
strange noise coming from the living room. I got up and snuck out there to see where it
was coming from. There was Dakota happily
chewing away on something. I bent down to see what it was and saw the corner of a $20 bill
sticking out from underneath him. Between his big paws was the $300 check! There was
NOTHING else in sight! He had EATEN everything! The contracts
the money even the paper clips that the money was clipped
to the contracts with! I yelled at him and he stood up and under him was a $100 bill
intact! Nothing else! Not even little bits of paper that are usually
strewn around when a Golden decides to eat something paper. It looked like he vacuumed it
up! Well we were missing about $500 after
retrieving the check, the $100 bill and the $20 bill. For a week I gloved and went out
behind him and scooped washed the poop in a strainer and
got bits and pieces of the money back. I washed it and dried it and laid it out on paper
and began the task of putting the $500 puzzle together! I pieced together what I thought
was a bill, taped it, bagged it and taped the bag shut so no one would have to handle the
bills. I took them to the bank and after everyone stopped laughing, they directed me to
send it to Washington. I sent it to Washington and received a letter that they had
received it. Three months later I received a check for $500.
Dakota still eats paper but has switched
to books or magazines now. When he was a year old he shredded the yellow page phone book
all over the office when we went to lunch. He was sitting in the middle of it staring at
the door waiting for me to return and see his handiwork!"
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Golden Comedian Flame |
Beverly, of Aim-Hi Golden Retrievers in Alaska, sent in this hilarious
picture. This is Flame,
Aim-Hi's
Candle in the Wind, at 9 weeks of age. You'd never know her parents were champions (Ch.
Chuckanut's Brasstime "Banjo" & Ch. Aim-Hi's First Addition
"Addi"). From 5 weeks of age, Flame has loved this CAT toy. Despite 2 baskets of
dog toys, she had to stick her head in this toy. Beverly says, "She would try and
grab the smaller ball which was suspended by thick elastic in the middle." Flame
finally got the small ball loose, entertaining herself by trying to grab the ball on the
outside! Beverly says, "She was and still is a real character. When she got older she
could still get her head through, and since she was quite a chewer, I let her keep
playing with it. I thought it would keep her entertained and keep her from doing damage to
other things." But, Flame still managed to pick things up in her mouth with this
thing stuck on her head!Flame might think she's a cat, loving to
run into the cat tunnel & roll around inside of it. Beverly says, "We have a
Siamese cat called Bob & I really think Flame thought he was one of her littermates!
He was about her size then. I caught her charging against the babygate at 7 weeks, trying
to fly over it to go upstairs just like Bob. She persevered until she knocked it over
slightly and scrambled over the top. I never had a puppy so active, agile and
inquisitive!"
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Golden Comedian Ginger: A Carrying
Fool |
Lizzi, from Chicago, Illinois sent in this clever story about her Golden gal, Ginger. Lizzi has had Ginger for about two years
now, finding this gem of a comedian in the winter of 1997. Whenever she comes home, she
first jumps up and puts her feet on the doorknob to help let Lizzi in. Then, she runs and gets a toy, and greets her wiggling at the door with the toy
in her mouth. A couple of times, Ginger's brought socks or underwear instead of a toy, and
once she brought a tiny little basket - a Christmas tree ornament that didn't get put
away!Doesn't Ginger look spiffy in her Superdog costume from last Halloween? What a funny face! The
picture on the left was the result of Mom trying to get a cute picture of Ginger with her
ears perked. Lizzi threw a toy across the room and snapped the picture when Ginger looked.
However, Ginger realized what Mom was up to, so she peeked at her while still facing
the toy. Boy, does she look suspicious!
We received (April 2001) the cutest
photo additions for this special canine comedian. Lizzi has a new dog cart for Ginger, which she
hopes to teach her how to pull for parades. She doesn't yet know how to pull it, but here
she is all ready to go. Lizzi does think she likes it. Ginger sure does look serious in
this pose with her new wagon. And, look at this back view, where you
can see Ginger's nameplate! What an adorable cart. I wish I had one for my Golden guys.
Stay tuned to fine out how Lizzi does with this new venture.
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Golden Comedian Gracie: A Devil in
Disguise |
Leann Pickering from Warwick, Rhode
Island wrote to tell us about her new puppy Gracie's latest escapade. The smart little
one, she is obviously in her bratty teens right now according to Mom. And, big sister
Golden Emily is just sitting back and watching all the antics with a huge smile on her
face. Oh my!!
The Culprit Gracie You would not believe the trouble I'm in for eating the blankie with all those pretty white feather thingies in it.
Emily thinks this is fun. Emily is buried in feathers!
In Jail Now
I got thrown in the slammer after eating the blankie. I'm not sure when if ever I will get paroled.
Choking
Em is choking on all these feathers!
If I breathe, they get in my mouth and nose!
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Golden Comedian Hope and the Three Chairs |
Wendy Young of Lakeland, Florida has
recently added a Golden girl named Hope to her Golden family, and the
interaction between her Golden Izzie and Hope are just wonderful. Here is Wendy's latest (February 2006) tale:
Once upon a time there was a sweet Golden
Retriever named Hope. One evening Hope began a quest for the perfect spot to
take a nap. She tried the floor. But, alas, the floor was too cluttered with
toys. Besides it was much too hard for such a gentle girl to get comfortable.
She tried the couch. The couch was set beneath a great roaring rotating machine.
The wind blowing contraption worried the fair Hope, so on she went in her quest.
Ah, what is that against the wall? A great
green chair. Up Hope climbs. surely this is the perfect spot for a nap. Ah,
no…this chair is far to big and green. No sweet Golden Retriever could ever nap
in such a huge green chair.
She spies a chair by the door. Could this be
the perfect napping chair? Up she climbs, turns around the customary three times
…. only to be disappointed again. You see, this chair is far too small and
squeaks much too loudly at every movement. The quest continued.
What’s this? The ugly brown chair in Mom’s
bedroom. Could this much hated chair be THE chair? The perfect napping chair?
Surely NOT! Lady Izabelle has warned her of the evils of THIS chair. Once one
has sat upon this chair they turn into lazy clouts. She has seen it happen with
her own eyes to her own Mother. “NO … NO … Fair Hope … do NOT be taken in by
this evil chair!”… shouts Lady Izabelle.
But alas…the evil chair’s charms have taken
over. For despite all of Lady Izabelle’s protests, the Fair Hope climbed into
the evil brown chair and found it to be “just right”. The perfect napping chair.
So she napped happily ever after. The End
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Golden Comedian Jack: A Jekyl and Mr. Hyde! |
Leann,
from Rhode Island, sent in this story about her niece and nephew's Golden Retriever, Jack. Jack is a very silly dude, who loves making
funny faces. Doesn't he look just ferocious here? NOT!! But, he will make this face if you
touch his paws. Now, just look at this sweet "I'm as soft as a Golden pillow"
photo of Jack with baby Blake.
Jack is a three-year-old Golden who lives in New
Hampshire. He belongs to Morgan, and twins, Blake and Bailey. Jack is really a very kind
and sweet boy. One time, he went to the vet because he needed his tummy shaved. Well,
while the vet was shaving Jack, all of the sudden he heard a funny noise coming from him.
This supposedly ferocious guy had fallen asleep and was snoring! |
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Golden Comedian Julee: A Fishy Situation |
Dasa, from England, N. e Lincs, sent in this cute story about the family's
2-year-old Julian, or "Julee" for
short. Julee lives with Dasa (13 years of age), his mum, Trevor, and his two fish, Tom and
Jerry. Julee likes to go into Dasa's bedroom to find out what is in there. And he always
jumps on the bed and lies down and watches the fish in the fish-tank. Then, he tries to
smell them. When Julee sees that they are moving, he starts jumping around and barking and
putting his head through the pillows. Then, he puts his paw on the fish tank and stops.
It's like he's saying 'Hi!'
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Golden Comedians Kona and Willow |
Jim & Gary of Anchorage, Alaska sent us this oh so charming photo. Only ten weeks of
age, Kona & Willow look so comfy here.
Need a nap? Can't find a pillow? No problem, just use your brother! Golden gal Willow (in the
red collar) had no problem using her big brother for a pillow when the nap attack came on.
She may be adorable and sweet now, but we wonder how
long little kitty Denver will let Willow snuggle up. Our
Cindy,
who looks very much like this darling, hasn't let Alfie or Darcy get that close. Oh well.
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Golden Comedian Kosmo: A Kitty Fiend |
Mom Chelsea, from Litchfield, Illinois, sent in this wonderful story about her
one-year-old Kosmo that turned out to have a PureGolden ending. When the Wesson Family (Chelsea, Susie &
Freddy) first got Kosmo, they thought that he'd be okay around their cats. And, they were
right as he never, ever bothered them. But then the family had two kittens thrown into
their care when the kittens' mother died. The kittens stayed in their house until early
June, at which time they then lived outside. Well, Kosmo decided to start chasing them,
and playing with them, but not in a good way. He liked to pick up kitty Pepper in his
mouth and shake her! Chelsea was terrified that he would hurt her, but he never did.
Nowadays, if Mom Chelsea can't find
Pepper, she knows to look for Kosmo. You see, kitty Pepper sleeps by Kosmo all of the time
now. They are truly the best of friends! |
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Golden Comedian Libby |
Mom Jennifer sent in this silly picture of her 5-year-old Libby.
Libby the fashion girl loves
to travel! Check out this soft bite floppy disc dog hat straight from China! When she is
not modeling, Libby is showering Golden love on her family, which also includes Krystal
and Bernard in sunny Scottsdale, Arizona. And, she's got both brains and beauty! Mom just
resubmitted her Doggie IQ Test score, as Libby moved from the
"Brighter than Average" to "Very Intelligent" range (in the last year
and a half).
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Golden Comedian Maddi: A Very Busy Girl! |
Jill Brickman of Tucson, Arizona
writes often to boast of her Golden clan's antics. Here's her description of Maddi, The
housewife. "My Maddison retrieves all six of the dog dishes for me after the morning
and evening meals. She brings them to the sink and then releases them for me to wash. It's
become a ritual for her. Sometimes she will stack one dish into another and pick up two
dishes for efficiency purposes. Now that's hilarious!! It really helps me because two of
the dogs eat in the other part of the house and she saves me that walk! It's really
priceless and I didn't teach her. I just started reinforcing this behavior when she
started displaying it." Here is a glimpse at Maddi at work, and
according to Jill, the following series of slides was not edited nor was it a 'staged
event'.
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Golden Comedians Midas and Lady |
I asked my friend Jo Bighouse from Virginia to add her Golden tale: When
Rochelle asked me to write down some anecdotes about living with 7 Goldens and 1
Golden/Border Collie rescue my first thought was, Oh my, where would I even
start? Would I write about the time Murphy dressed up as a reindeer with light-up antlers and helped
Santa give out candy canes to the children at our preschool?
Or maybe I should share the time
Midas played fetch with my son in the dining room. Telling your children
not to throw a ball in the house is like telling Goldens not to play tug of war with the
socks they take out of your laundry basket. So, true to form, my son threw Midas
tennis ball across the room. As it flew over the dining room table Midas was in hot
pursuit. He landed on the table, rode the tablecloth to the other end and with amazing
grace vaulted into the air to catch the ball before it ever hit the floor. His prowess
would have impressed me if I werent so preoccupied with watching my
grandmothers candelabra hit the floor. Perhaps the time I spent three hours trying to coax
my foster Golden out of the pond would be amusing to some. After he had lived with us for
a week I got the bright idea of showing him the pond. I was so pleased to see his joyous
reaction as he plunged in for a swim. Thirty minutes later I thought he must be tiring so
I called for him to come out. His doggy paddle did not miss a beat as he glanced at me
with a wide grin on his Golden face. OK, maybe just a few more minutes I decided. Two
hours later I had tried everything in my bag of tricks to lure this Golden Mark Spitz out
of the water. First I ran to the house for his favorite stuffed squeaky toy. I must have
been quite a sight as I danced around the pond squeaking a bright yellow platypus. Next
came the dog treats. Surely a cellophane pouch crinkling would get his attention. He
barely even noticed me. Perhaps a bowl of his favorite dog food would be more fun than
water. Now his expression clearly conveyed, I think not. Out came more toys,
more treats, and every happy phrase I knew. Finally I sat down among the bounty and waited
for him to decide when swim time would be over. An hour later, well after the sun had set,
he strolled out of the pond, shook water all over me, and we walked to the house together
one of us with a big smile his face and the other mumbling under her breath.
Maybe I should write about the game the Goldens play
with one of the ducks in the pond. Seven dogs jump into the pond (the Golden/Border Collie
prefers to wait on dry land and herd the dogs back to the house when they are finished)
and begin swimming after the smallest duck. They follow in unison a mere 12 inches from
the ducks tail feathers. As the duck turns the entire crowd turns as if they are all
one. When the duck has had enough she will dive under water. It is absolutely hilarious to
see seven Goldens put on the brakes in the middle of the water, poke their heads up in the
air, and look around with a where did she go look on their faces. They will
frantically look this way and that until they see her pop up to the surface on the other
side of the pond. Off they go, and the game continues. Then there was the time one of my 6 month old pups, Lady, came trotting up with a duck in her mouth.
My first reaction was distress for the duck but I knew I had to be careful not to show any
displeasure for her natural bird dog instincts. She was so proud of herself as she stood
before me with her prize. I gave her the command to release and she obediently dropped him
into my hands. As I cradled the duck against my chest his head came up, he made a few
quacks, and completely recovered from his ordeal within minutes. There was not a mark on
him from Ladys soft Golden mouth. I returned him to the pond and he appeared to go
into overdrive as he swam as far away as possible from his new Golden playmate.
A description of a typical morning routine at the
Midas Touch Golden household may also be an anecdote to share. At 5:30 AM the first of the
dogs begins to stir. If I feign sleep and do not move a muscle I may be able to keep them
at bay another thirty minutes. However, once they know I am awake there will be 8 heads
surrounding my bed and 16 eyes peering at me just waiting for a sign that my feet will
soon hit the floor. As we prepare for our morning walk the hallway is
crowded with dogs. Each knows the routine first shift is Rocky,
Midas, Lady,
and Buffy; second shift is Sassy, Missy,
Amber, and Murphy;
and the last shift is the resident foster dog. Usually they line up with the first group
closest to the door. Now and then they get a bit mixed up so it necessitates someone at
the far end of the hall working their way through the crowd. As I state their name
followed by outside you can just see them calculating the shortest route to
the door. Then, in typical Golden fashion, they push through everyone in their way. It is
not unusual to see a pair of back legs fly up in the air after someone has determined the
best route is under the others. After the morning walk comes breakfast. My dogs react
to the sound of a vitamin bottle and food processor like most respond to a can opener.
Eyes and mouths are wide open as they anticipate antioxidant supplements yum! And
fresh vegetables yes! Food preparation takes about thirty minutes so they will all
lounge in the kitchen patiently waiting for their meal. As the yogurt container comes out
they know the first course is about to be served. Each assumes the position to be ready
when their bowl hits the floor. The yogurt is devoured within seconds and they are soon
quivering with excitement for the second course. Will it be the famous dog soup of ground
beef, vegetables, rice, and garlic? Or maybe today there will be chicken, vegetables,
oatmeal, and pasta! You have never seen such excitement. Im sure this is one
of the reasons I indulge my dogs by cooking their meals. My children never show a fraction
of this excitement when I tell them dinner is ready. Finally I decided what I must write about is the time
I introduced a litter of 6-week old pups to water. They were taken to their outdoor
exercise area with a childs swimming pool. As the pool began to fill a Golden frenzy
broke out. Puppies were rolling, jumping, grabbing the hose, and completely beside
themselves with exuberance. The sides of the pool were a little too high for them to walk
over so they would put their front feet on the rim and then slide in with their little
back feet pointing to the sky. What happened next had me doubled over in laughter. Five of
the pups had climbed into the pool and began chasing each other around the perimeter. They
ran for so long and with such momentum they created a whirlpool. All you could see was a
blur of Golden fur and swirling water. Water was flying out faster than the hose could
replenish it. They were some exhausted little pups when they finally slowed down.
Life with my Golden pack is fun. I have convinced
myself that I prefer vinyl floors to carpet and that I am happy my oriental rugs are in
storage. I have learned to work baby gates and dog crates into my décor and I very seldom
wear black. Although we do have our less than blissful moments like the day the
puppies chewed on the legs of my antique rocker, or the time the dogs pulled my important
documents off the table and turned them into confetti. But 99.99% of the time I
couldnt imagine my life without 8+ Goldens.
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Golden Comedian Ralph: The Water Boy |
Alie and Mike from Nevada, Iowa sent us this fishy tale about their 1-year-old guy Ralph [March 2003]. Here is what they had to say:
"Our dog is quite the character, being my first pup and my husband's first Golden we
never know what to expect. We have learned by not so subtle hints that Ralph likes to take
baths. Whenever someone is in the bathroom, Ralph will walk right past you and hop into
the dry bathtub and sit there grinning. He also used to hop in the tub when someone was
taking a shower. But, we broke the habit when he reached 80 pounds and there was no longer
room in the tub for him. Now he just sticks his head in and tries to catch water and ends
up with a very wet face, but very happy.
We also learned that he likes to chase our goldfish back and forth in our biggest
aquarium. Ralph doesn't bark at them at all but tries to lick them every once in a while.
We also have two Oscars but he won't mess with that aquarium at all (could it be because
they're so mean looking asides from being aggressive?). He keeps us laughing MOST of the
time. There have been quite a few occasions when Ralph has stepped over the line, but at
that point I look at him so happy and I feel so desperate about my things ruined that all
I can do is laugh at myself and him and see why I love my furry teddy bear so much."
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Golden Comedian Reno The Muncher |
Gail Schwichtenberg from Cudahy,
Wisconsin wrote in September 2003 to tell me about her guy's dangerous money cravings!
"In November of 2000, I had just
started working again and received my first paycheck. I was so excited. I put it on the
kitchen table and went to change clothes before I went to the bank. When I came back into
the kitchen I couldn't find my check. Well, I looked on the floor and there was my
one-year-old Reno with a corner of the check hanging out of his mouth. The rest was gone.
I went back to my new employer the next day and had to tell them that my dog ate my check.
I felt like I was in school again using the old stand-by 'my dog ate my homework'. We
always have a good laugh about this one. To this day Reno will still eat paper. Not too
long ago I had a $50 bill on the table. I should of learned my lesson, but Reno got that
one too. You would think he would realize that we do buy him presents with that money.
Well, it sure won't happen a third time!"
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Golden Comedian Sandy |
Carol, from Reading, Pennsylvania, has been a Land of PureGold visitor for
some time. She uses our website to ease a hectic workday. This picture of her gal, Sandy, the Golden Flower Shop PR Pup, is a pure
gem! Carol has a home-based flower shop business, CAROL Shoppes, that Golden Sandy has her
career (public relations) training in.
Sandy has two spots in the workrooms, and knows how
to smell but not bite the
flowers. She is just the perfect
girl. Customers come in the shop, ignore Carol, go right to the kitchen gate, and then
call "Sandy!" Of course, she comes lickity-split. Boy, can this Golden gem sell
flowers! And, we hear Sandy is learning how to gently hold a rose, for future PR pictures.
Now, we're begging now. Please, please, Carol send us one of these photos when this feat
has been accomplished! That will certainly be a photo for all time.
Carol helped with
Delaware
Valley Golden Retriever Rescue's kickoff Golden Gateway dinner event that took place
on May 21, 2000. Her flower shop did the centerpieces and this adorable photo of Sandy was
in each one. Doesn't she look regal here surrounded by these lovely flowers?
World famous "Golden Sandy of CAROL Shoppes,
florist" in Reiffton, Pennsylvania has still another new title! In addition to Sales
Rep, PR Assistant, Delivery Assistant, and Head Flower Sniffer (no bite!), she is now the
business's "Landscape Consultant". Sandy moves her sticks and tennis balls to an
appropriate place so Dad can toss a few in between rows of mows. As you can see, they are
having a "consult" at this very moment! Notice, how Mom Carol slipped those
daisies into the coffee holder of Dad's new tractor? Everyone is inspired at this little
rosy place!
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Golden Comedian Savannah: Kitty Lover |
Jessica, from Raton, New Mexico, sent in this silly tale. It seems that
her 6-month-old Golden puppy Savannah, just
loves their cat, Lindsay. It seems that she chases Lindsay around the house trying to
catch him. Once she does, Savannah goes on to step on his tail so that he can't get away.
Then, she just starts licking away until she has practically "licked him to
death." Of course, when Savannah has finished this cleaning ritual, she lets him go
and then goes ahead and does the same thing all over again!
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Golden Comedian Scotty |
Gerry, from Oregon, provided this story (December 2000) about 2-year-old
Golden Scotty. Gerry and her husband Curt
are involved
in several aspects of Assistance Dog work, from puppy raising for established
organizations to volunteering with their own Therapy Dogs. Their business, The Raspberry
Field, provides customized Assistance and Working Dogs Capes. While Gerry has special
Therapy Dog Patches, she also will sew on a person's own patches as well to these capes.
So, of course, I mailed off my own CGC and Therapy Dog patches along with some other
Golden goodies. Here is the reply I received: "I got the patches yesterday and will get to
work on Darcy's cape. Funny story. I was so excited to see the beautiful cards, I must
have dropped the CGC on the floor when I opened the envelope. I zipped into my office,
thinking of all my Golden friends who are going to get a card and then I opened your note
and there was only one patch in it . . . . the Therapy Dog patch.
I spent several frustrated minutes pushing stuff around on my desktop looking for the
other patch and trying to remember if there really were two patches coming and maybe I'd
just become confused about the CGC patch. During my search, I had to keep pushing past
Scott's big nose because he kept pestering me by shoving it into my arm and I figured he
was trying to see what all the excitement was about. Well, you guess it. I finally stopped
rummaging around my desktop and took a moment to glance at Scotty and guess what he was
gently holding in his mouth? When will I ever learn that my Goldens are smarter then I am?
So, Darcy's CGC patch is a little damp, a little slobbery, but safe and sound on my desktop,
ready to be sewn onto her cape. Sigh!"
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Golden Comedian Sherlock |
Tom & Patti from Minneapolis, Minnesota, sent me this story [March 2003]
about their 15½-year-old dude, Sherlock:
"The summer Sherlock was four, we took a trip to visit my in-laws in South
Dakota. My sister-in-law was also visiting, and had brought the ingredients and
accoutrements necessary to make a Norwegian wedding cake. On Saturday, she and my
mother-in-law spent ALL DAY making the 12 molded layers of heavy, almond paste dough, and
decorating the cake with all kinds of frosting and small silver balls. They placed the
cake on an antique cake stand and left it on the counter while we went out to eat. After
dinner, they returned home and my husband and I went out for awhile.
When we got back, we found the in-laws sitting in the living room, looking like they
weren't sure whether to laugh or cry! One look in the kitchen told us why
no wedding cake, just a spotless cake stand right where it had stood, and one BLOATED
Golden Retriever laying on the floor. We got Sherlock outside right away (with some
hydrogen peroxide to help the cake back up) and later, he was fine. To this day, my
Swedish father-in-law tells everyone that 'Sherlock just pulled the chair right up to the
counter, ate the cake, licked the plate clean and put the chair back.' This is only one of
our Sherlock + food = trouble! stories, but it certainly is the most interesting!
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Golden Comedian Shiloh |
Marcy and Beverly (above) love to gossip in the hot tub. And, what do their Goldens do in
the meantime? Well, they love to spit their dirty tennis balls in the water to be tossed
off the deck, tearing after them over and over. One day the water was too hot, so they
took the cover off to let it cool. After 10 minutes, they found a really silly, soggy Shiloh. "Here she was, stuck with her hocks
on the edge of the tub, swimming furiously to keep up with the jets. She was hot,
soaked & tired. It was below zero so we didn't want to leave her out in the
cold. We dried her off and stuck her in the house while we soaked & threw balls
for the others. Shiloh of course had other ideas" (now furious about being left
out). When they came inside from the hot tub,
their feet were met with sharp tiny shards of remote control pieces. "Shiloh had
shredded the TV remote to the molecular level. Must have been 1000 pieces, all sharp. What
are you going to do? There she stood, proud as can be, wagging her wet tail. You
gotta love her!"
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Golden Comedian Sydney |
Beverly Erickson, of Beaverton, Oregon sent in this story about sweet little
Golden puppy Sydney. "Sydney is
actually sound asleep! She likes to sack out on the shelf under the coffee table. Mom and
Dad, Marita and Ron Postma, own a communications store. Sydney probably got tired of
listening to them talk cell phones."
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Golden Comedian Zoeydpaw |
Adele Rouser from Greensboro, North Carolina just
sent me this story [March 2003]:
"Here are my Zoeydpaw and
granddaughter Alex in look-alike pictures with their St. Patrick's Day headbands on. It's
a toss-up here on who is the cutest! The photo guy at the drug store cracked up when these
came out. Zoey is so used to me doing stuff like this to her that after the photo
opportunity she went to her bowl and ate lunch . . . with the headband just dangling on
her head."
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Golden Comedian Burton, Killer Watchdog! |
This funny tale comes from Scotty Richardson, who has
done much therapy work through the SW Washington Humane
Society. Scotty actually submitted a prize-winning entry,
Goldens ─ Behind Bars, in our
very first contest here at the Land of PureGold. Scotty currently [9/2009] has four Goldens, and they have all worked up a
storm, as you can see by the titles following their names:
♥ Earnie CGC, TDI,
TDIA, TDIAOV, PFTD, SD
♥ Porkchop PFTD, CGC,
TDIA OV
♥ Burton PFTD, CGC,
TDI
♥ Harlow, SD, PFTD
Therapy Dog, CGC, TDI, CCCR and DLAATD (Porkchop's daughter)
Burton
is a rescue, or a placement depending on whom is asked. He
came to us at 18 months with—issues.
With our other "used dogs" we've always been able to get
them over their quirks. But not Burt. We love him dearly,
but Burton was sent to us from on high as a trial. Burton is
nearly 9 now, and there is no sign of mellowing.
Burton picked up a habit from our dearly departed "Fecal
Gourmet"; Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue got gourmet status from only
eating her own turf tacos. Never the other dogs. Perhaps she
was afraid of germs? Burton is not nearly as discriminating
but twice as sneaky. Mostly he cleans up after Porkchop.
This is partly because Porkchop does the "old dog
defecation" meaning she has to walk as she poops, leaving a
30 foot trail of little turdlets difficult to find in the
grass. A couple of times I've watched Burt, hoping to scare
him s***less, literally.
This boy is clever. He waits in a hidden corner of the yard
carefully observing his—quarry.
If he doesn't see any humans, he sidles up to the berm
burrito. Usually he'll go past it, still searching for
possible human intervention. Once he feels safe, he's quick
as a bunny. Sigh. Burton also is a cat turd aficionado. The
neighbors stupid cats defecate in OUR flower beds so Burt
cleans that up, too. Little does Burt know that it's a dead
giveaway when we feed him a cup and a half of dog food and
he poops 3 cups. Ah well, I refuse to kiss the dude. Flies
die from his breath.
Burton would love to be an outside dog. He lays out in the
grass even on hot days. In the evenings he lays on the patio
and waits for action. Burt has figured out [he ain't stupid]
if a security light goes off in the driveway, there must be
something there. 99% of the time that something is a cat. No
matter! Burt goes ballistic! He has the most blood-curdling
bark-or scream—enough to scare the daylights out of
anything!
It goes something like this—BARKaroooooeeeeeeeee
raising his voice at least three octaves so the "eeeeeee"
part comes out as a squeal. The last time I heard a noise
like that was when I was a kid and got too close to a
friends backswing practicing golf. Got me right in the
balls. I got letters from the Vienna boy's choir, needing a
soprano. I have heard similar notes achieved by Maria Carey
or Aretha Franklin but I doubt they got kicked in the
testicles. Because Burt's testicles are history I doubt he
got kicked in them, either. Maybe the vet missed one.
Back to Burt. Along with this piggy squeal, all his
considerable hair stands up on his backside, he goes
stiff-legged looking like a huge inchworm with a Mohawk
haircut. Once the squealing like a pig subsides, he still
walks stiff-legged around the yard mumbling to himself. You
have no idea how safe this makes us feel. Nobody in their
right mind is coming in that yard after they hear that
noise. One really bad thing about all Burt's excitement is
he gets Blind Earnie going. First Earnie runs into the
doorframe on the way out, then a post, then the fence, well—you
get it. Porkchop and Harlow? They may raise their heads and
look at us like "stooooopid boys". Must be a guy thing.
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