golden retriever puppy

The Pledge: I Will Not

I will not wash the face of every child in the world with my tongue.
I will not knock over the little neighborhood kids when I greet them.
I will not lick pudding or ice cream off the neighbor’s kids’ faces.
I will not steal the baby’s sock from his foot while his Mom is holding him.
I will not take food from those mini-humans who always seem to offer it.
I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it.
I will not throw up in the car or eat other animals’ poop.
I will not use the diaper pail as though it were a cookie jar.
I will not insist on the car window being rolled down when it’s raining.
I will not drop tennis balls in a person’s panties when they’re on the toilet.
I will not bark each time I hear a doorbell on the TV.
I will not steal Mom’s underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
I will not put my head in the refrigerator.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
I will not suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my tennis balls or toys under the sofa or behind the fridge.
I will not act as though the garbage collector is stealing our stuff.
I will not shake the rainwater off of my fur AFTER entering the house.