The Golden Dictionary|
is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by
shaking vigorously and frequently.
Bicycles: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat.
To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and
run along side for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you
Deafness: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want them in and
they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the
opposite direction, or lying down.
Dog Bed: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room
or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
Is what you do when your persons have food and you dont. To do this
properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor
or better yet, on their laps.
Garbage Can: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your
ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If
you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume
and moldy crusts of bread.
Leash: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person
where you want him/her to go.
Love: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction.
The best way you can show your love in return is to wag your tail. If youre lucky, a
human will love you in return.
Sniff: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place you nose
as close as you can to the other dogs rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several
times, or until your person makes you stop.
Sofas: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite
to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
Thunder: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans
remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger
by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their
Wastebasket: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old
candy wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the
house until your person comes home.