Fun Dogisms |
By Dave Barry
Dogs need to sniff the ground; its how they keep abreast of current
events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog
news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need
should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
Most dogs are earnest, which is why most people like them. You can say any fool thing to a
dog & the dog will give you this look that says, My G-d, youre right! I
NEVER would have thought of that!
Our dogs most important duty, of course, is barking. They use the energy-conserving
Two-Dog Alternating Bark Procedure: a deep BARK from Earnest, followed immediately by a
high, irritating yip! from Zippy, followed immediately by another BARK, and so on BARK
yip! BARK yip! for several days, if necessary. They implement this procedure whenever
their keen senses detect that one of the following Danger Red Alert situations has
occurred: 1) Somebody is at the door; 2) Nobody is at the door; 3) Another dog any
dog, anywhere in the universe is barking; or 4) None of the above.