golden retriever puppy

Basic Rules for Goldens who Have a House to Run

1. If you have to throw up, get into a chair, QUICKLY! If you can’t manage that in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, any good rug will do. (middle of the bed is good too)

2. ALWAYS accompany guests to the bathroom. It’s not necessary to do anything; just sit and stare. (and then always jump up and look in the bowl when they flush)

3. Do not allow closed doors in ANY room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and hammer with your forepaws.

4. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up, and consoled with food. (And to get twice the number of treats, demand one before you go out and another when you come back in . . . two treats for only a few drops of urine)

5. Once a door is opened, it’s not necessary to use it. After you’ve ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and halfway out and think about several things. It’s particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.

6. Begin people-training early. You’ll then have a smooth-running household. Humans need to know the basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.