Adventure Dog Wakes Up and Goes Outside|
By Dave Barry
It is 6:17 a.m.
Adventure Dog [Earnest] is sleeping in the hall. Suddenly she hears a sound. Her head
snaps up. Somebody is up! Time to swing into action! Adventure Dog races down the hall
and, skidding on all four paws, turns into the bathroom, where, to her total shock, she
finds: The Master! Whom she has not seen since LAST NIGHT! YAYYYYYY!!
Adventure Dog: Bark!
Master: DOWN, d - - - - - ! Now Adventure Dog bounds to the front
door, in case the Master is going to take her outside. It is a slim chance. He has only
taken her outside for the past 2,637 consecutive mornings. But just in case, Adventure Dog
Adventure Dog: Bark! Can it be? Yes! This is unbelievable! The Master
is coming to the door! Looks like Adventure Dog is going outside! YAAAYYY!
Master: DOWN, d - - - - -! Now the Master has opened the door
approximately one inch. Adventure Dog realizes that, at this rate, it may take the Master
a full three-tenths of a second to open the door all the way. This is bad. He needs help.
Adventure Dog alertly puts her nose in the crack & applies 600,000 pounds of force to
WHAM! And now Adventure Dog is through the door, looking left,
looking right, her finely homed senses absorbing every detail of the environment, every
nuance and subtlety, looking for ... Holy Smoke! There it is! The YARD! Right in the exact
same place it was yesterday! This is turning out to be an unbelievable adventure!
Adventure Dog: Bark! Adventure Dog is vaguely troubled. Some
primitive version of a thought is rattling around inside her tiny cranium, like a BB in a
tuna fish can. For she senses that there is some reason why the Master has let her
outside. There is something he wants Adventure Dog to do. But what on Earth could it be?
Before Adventure Dog can think of an answer, she detects ... is this possible? Yes!
Its a SMELL! Yikes! Full Red Alert!
Sniff sniff sniff.
Master: Come on Earnest.
Adventure Dog: Sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff
sniff. No question about it. The evidence is clear. This is a smell, all right. And
whats more, its the smell of this is so incredible DOG WEEWEE!
Right here in the yard!
Adventure Dog: Sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff. Adventure Dog
is getting the germ of an idea. At first is seems farfetched, but the more she thinks
about it, the more she thinks, hey, why not! The idea is get ready Adventure
Dog is going to MAKE WEEWEE! Right now! Outside! Its crazy, but it just might work!
Master: Good GIRL. What was that? It was a sound! Definitely.
A sound coming from over there. Yes! No question about it. This is unbelievable! Its
the MASTER out here in the yard! YAAAYY!
Master: DOWN, d - - - - -!
Adventure Dog: BARK!