1. When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

2. The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

3. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Furthermore, it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

5. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, or try to get your paw under the edge. I must exit through the same door I entered.